That kid is like a cross between Timothy Oliphant and the boy from The Neverending Story.
Some info for peeps like me who know nothing…
“A disaster” - Uproxx
“I’ve been told that The Dark Tower books are jam-packed with dense plot, wonderful characters, and a sprawling mythology – which is what made the movie so hard to make for all these years. Well, the solution seems to have been to just scrap all that and release a shockingly short 95-minute movie that just kind of glosses over everything to the point that has any meaning or purpose.”
“Who is this film meant for?” - The Verge
“When The Dark Tower just relies on McConaughey’s dead-eyed creepiness, the alienness of Roland’s homeland of Mid-World, and Jake’s struggle to reconcile reality and fantasy, it at least finds an emotional balance that carries the story forward. Even so, Arcel never entirely seems in control of the material.”
“A unique flavourless slog” - The Guardian (2/5)
“There’s a point somewhere in the misshapen second act that an attentive viewer can feel all the parties involved giving up and resolving to get the rest of the movie over with as soon as possible. Arcel directs through the path of least resistance, pointing his camera at people as indifferently as he shoots the half-baked CGI sequences.”
“A glittering trash pile” - Variety
“It’s a competent and watchable paranoid metaphysical video game that doesn’t overstay its welcome, includes some luridly entertaining visual effects, and — it has to be said — summons an emotional impact of close to zero.”
Oof. The trailer really did nothing for me so this feels very unsurprising.
The trailer didn’t do much for me either, but I love me some Elba and McConaughey, so was bummed to hear this was so bad.